It's Much To Quiet In Here!

I seriously feel like I am going a bit crazy.
I mean I know I was crazy to begin with, but lately I'm just like UGH.
And all I can think about is the tattoo I want to get on the back of my neck...
I've been chain smoking and considering I want to quit and this is the last pack I'm buying it's a bad idea.
I just want to scream all my anguish out at the world.
Pull my hair and just let everything go, but then people would really think I was crazy.
If I screamed enough, would all the pain go away?
I think I am going to try that tonight into a pillow, it used to make me feel better.
But will it now? Will it work?
I'm just so confused now, I don't know what I am doing with my life, I feel numb.
I don't feel anything, ever.
I don't get excited, happy, sad.
Just angry, all the time. It's like the only emotion I can feel anymore.
I feel antsy, like I just want to destroy something, smash it against the wall.

It's much to quiet it here! I want to disappear. I can hear myself thinking to clear.

 I think I am going to find something I don't care about and just smash it into a million pieces, feel the satisfaction of destroying something.

UPDATE: Destroyed an old phone, not satisfying enough, need glass.